Saints Who Don't Want to Be Found
by XWaltzforVenusX
Summary: Ryan/Taylor. The third installment of the Chino-verse. Theresa comes to Newport. Drama ensues.
1. If You Call Me, I Won't Be Home

_Oh my, I can't seem to let the Chino-verse go. I seem to just be re-writing the entire show… This takes place late season 1… I think you'll all remember the drama._

_This isn't going to be long, probably just a two-__parter__. So here's part one. Enjoy._

_Written to 'The End's __Not__ Near' by Band of Horses._

* * *

Ok, so this was a little awkward, Taylor thought. Theresa was a nice girl, really, and she was very down to earth – a nice break from most people in Newport. But she _was_ Ryan's ex, and currently living in his room, so yeah, it was a little weird. Plus, the girl was really tense.

"I was thinking Japanese tonight," Taylor suggested as the two girls watched TV. "Maybe some sushi…"

"I don't think I should have sushi," Theresa interjected, fear crossing her features. Taylor furrowed her brows. The girl hadn't said '_I don't like sushi'_, or '_I'm not in the mood for sushi'_. It had been '_I don't think I should have sushi_'. Why wouldn't she be able to…

"Are you…" she took a deep breath, not wanting to offend the girl, "are you pregnant?" She grabbed the remote, turning the TV off and turning to fully face the girl when Theresa was silent. "You are."

"I haven't told anyone yet," the other girl's voice was whisper-soft, frightened. "You can't tell Ryan. He'll freak." Taylor leaned forward impulsively, hugging Theresa to her as she heard sobs break from the girl.

* * *

"What's up?" Ryan laughed warily, looking between the two girls sitting on his bed. They were so different, yet scarily similar. Taylor was like a burst of sunshine, a swirl of insanity that turned his world upside down. But when she needed to be, she was surprisingly level-headed and calm, and _that_ reminded him of Theresa.

"Theresa has some news." He noticed that his girlfriend had her arm around his… ex?... almost comfortingly. Oh God…

"You're going back to Eddie," he choked out, anger rising in him. There was no way in hell he was letting that happen. No. No…

She gathered her strength, looking him in the eyes determinedly. "I'm pregnant."

"What? You're… how?" he sputtered, mind trying to _process_ this.

"See Ryan," Taylor's voice was calm and steady, "when a mommy and a daddy get together, and they close their eyes, and make a wish…"

"This isn't funny," he snapped at her, knowing he shouldn't, but he couldn't help it. He was just so _angry_.

"I know," she was still calm, still gazing at him levelly. "But you're scaring Theresa, and that's not what she needs right now, so calm down."

"Calm down?" he growled, balling his hands into fists. A quick glance at Theresa showed her on the verge of tears, and he _knew_ he should shut the hell up, but he couldn't. "How am I supposed to _calm down_? She went back to Eddie – the guy who _hit_ her – and came back pregnant? What in that sentence is supposed to make me calm?" He couldn't look at Theresa – for her to be almost crying, she must really be scared – so he focused all of his rage on his girlfriend.

"The part where she left him, and came back." He didn't know how she stayed so calm, especially when he was yelling at her. If he weren't so angry, he'd thank God that he'd been blessed with such an understanding girlfriend.

"Have you told your mother?" he asked, trying to push down the overwhelming urge to run and kill Eddie. There was also a silent question in there: _have you told Arturo?_ Jesus, _that_ was a conversation he didn't want to be present for. If he didn't kill Eddie, Arturo – or Theresa's mother, for that matter – just might. Plus, the last thing he needed was for any of the Diaz's to blame _him_ for not protecting her. He could almost hear Arturo's voice in his head: _been so fucking busy in your perfect new life to watch out for my little sister, who do you think you are? You think you're so special now that you've got money?_

"No," her voice brought him out of his thoughts. "I'm not going to either. I think… I think I'm gonna get an abortion."

He was torn: yes, he was grateful that she wouldn't be burdened, and that _he_ wouldn't have to deal with an angry older brother, but still… "Are you sure? You don't have to." Words rushed to his mouth, and flowed out of him before he could even think to stop them, "you could stay here. The Cohen's will help. You can stay here, and raise the baby, and we'll help you get on your feet…" He stopped when she shook her head sadly.

"I can't do that, Ryan. I can't ask that of you, of the Cohens," she looked at Taylor, as if to say '_of__ you_'.

"Ryan's right," Taylor agreed quietly. "You don't have to do this. There are options."

"All of which require my mother knowing. I can't just disappear for nine months. I have no other choice."

They sat in silence.

* * *

"I'm sorry," Ryan whispered to the top of her head, and she curled tighter into him. "This is so messed up…"

"Ryan," she pulled away slightly, looking him in the eyes, "it's ok. You don't have to feel guilty about wanting to help her. She's a big part of your life, and you _shouldn't_ want her out of your life just because she made a mistake. It's actually sweet, how protective you are."

He smiled, muscles relaxing. "You're amazing, have I ever told you that?" He leaned forward, capturing her lips, and she giggled against him. He rolled her onto her back, getting on top of her… she pushed him away.

"I can't," she shifted away from him.

"What? _Seriously_?" he whined, flopping on his back with a huff.

"I can't believe you _want _to," she shook her head, looking up at the ceiling. "Theresa's pregnant because some guy from Chino's sperm was just a little too potent. We're _never_ having sex again."

* * *

"So you're gonna have it," he whispered. It wasn't a question.

"I have to," she whispered back.

* * *

"Theresa's going back to Chino. She told her mom, and she's going back to live with her," Ryan sat on the bed next to her, head in his hands. Taylor smoothed her hand over his back, trying to comfort him. She knew he felt guilty; responsible. Ryan tried to convince the other girl to stay, though Taylor secretly agreed with Theresa. She needed to go back and be with her family.

"There's nothing you can do," she tried to explain that this wasn't his fault. It wasn't his problem anymore – Theresa had even told him that. He looked up at her with a strange expression in his eyes. "Ryan…" she began in protest.

"I think I have to go back," his voice came out choked, and her heart stopped. This couldn't be happening… not again. "I think I have to leave."

She stood up, for once in her life completely at a loss for words. She tried – opening her mouth once or twice – but ended up walking out, numb.

* * *

She'd always prided herself on being understanding. Even when she had no friends, no life, she'd always tried to look at things from the other person's shoes.

And she'd always accepted Ryan for what he was: quiet, brooding, self-effacing, loyal, determined. She tried to let him be who he was, she didn't ask him to change.

_This_, though, she couldn't understand. _Wouldn't_ understand, because she didn't _want_ to understand. She'd never been this angry in her entire life, even with her drunken, coked-up, emotional terrorist, whore of a mother.

She watched him from afar, hidden by the corner of the Cohen's house, as he shoved clothes into a duffel bag, wearing a beat up hoody and old pair of jeans. He looked like he was going back to Chino, because he _was_. Theresa stood next to him, waiting, and she _tried_ to hate the girl. She couldn't quite manage it, though. Theresa must be terrified. She was pregnant, and alone, and terrified, and Ryan had offered his help, his support, _himself_. He zipped up the duffel bag, and the two walked out of the pool house and got in her car.

She slumped back against the wall as soon as it was out of sight, sinking down to the cold tile below. He was gone. He left her. He left with _her_.

She didn't know how long she sat against the wall of the Cohen's house, trying not to cry but failing miserably. She hadn't cried since that time she thought he'd cheated on her with Marissa. A sob tore from her chest at the thought, of how much it had hurt then, because she _wished_ it hurt that much now.

_God, Taylor, I love __you._

Now it was worse.

_I love you, too._

She wanted to throw up. She wanted…

"Taylor?" She looked up at Kirsten, not able to stop the shaking of her body or the tears running down her face. The woman kneeled down to her level. "What are you doing here?"

She knew this must look strange: her crying against the corner of the Cohen's house. "I came to tell him not to go," she whispered between sobs, "but he was already packing, and she was there, and I just _watched_ him leave." She hadn't been able to bring herself to go to the pool house, so she'd watched him for hours – hiding behind the corner of the main house - as he packed, but she didn't tell Kirsten that.

"Come on," Kirsten murmured, pulling her up by the shoulders. "Let's get you inside." Taylor nodded, letting herself be led into the kitchen, and she dimly felt a mug of hot tea pushed into her hands. She raised her eyes to the woman, and noticed that she was barely holding it together herself. The woman's hands – clenched tightly around her own mug – were shaking, making the liquid swish dangerously close to the edge.

"He's gone," she whispered, and Kirsten dropped her mug to the counter with a loud crash, covering her mouth with her hand as she began to sob. _Oh God, what had she done?_ She rushed to the woman, hugging her tightly, and they both stood, trying to cope. He was gone, and he had left a gaping hole in their lives.

Sandy stormed into the kitchen, panic covering his features, and he stopped when he saw the two of them. "Kirsten," his voice was rough and low, tinged with fear; Taylor had _never_ heard him sound like that. His wife looked up as he handed her a torn open envelope. Taylor could read '_Mom and Dad'_ written in Seth's handwriting. She realized he had another one as well, this one with '_Summer_ printed on the front. That one was sealed.

Kirsten gave a heartbreaking wail, shaking hands dropping the white paper onto the counter, and she totally lost it. Her cries rang through the kitchen as Sandy hurried to her side, throwing his arms around her in an almost-death grip, and the two stood together, rocking back and forth.

Taylor backed away slowly; she didn't have to read the letter to _know_ what had happened. Taking Summer's copy of the excuse off the counter, she fled the house, leaving the Cohen's to their grief.

* * *

She couldn't bear to give the letter to Summer in person; she couldn't witness another heartbreak. Not again. Three had been enough. So she left it with Dr. Roberts, the man looking at her in confusion as she shoved the envelope into his hand without explanation before stumbling back to her car. She was almost gone, she almost got away.

"Taylor?" Summer ran after her, pounding on the glass. "What's going on?" She shook her head, fumbling to get the keys into the ignition. She couldn't stand another heartbreak. The dark-haired girl stormed around the car, getting into the passenger 's side. "What is this?"

"Seth," her voice broke again, but she didn't have any tears left. A look of despair crossed her friend's features, and she opened the envelope with shaking hands. She watched Summer's entire body go tight as she read, finally crushing the delicate paper and throwing it angrily against the windshield. She said nothing, but her hand lashed out, hitting the door so hard Taylor flinched at the sound. Summer hit the car again, again, again, until she finally broke into small, shuddering sobs.

"That bastard," she whispered shakily, hunching her shoulders and bowing her head.

"Summer, I'm sorry," the urge to throw up was back. She couldn't watch another heartbreak.

"He made me love him."

She looked up, and they exchanged a look of pure understanding.

"Me too."

_

* * *

_

Review.

_p.s. – don't hate Ryan too much…_


	2. I'm Hiding From the Kingdom Come

_So here's the concluding part. Again, written to 'The End's __Not__ Near', hence the depressing-__ness__ of it all._

_p.s. – I __have to give a __shout__out__ to __two of my reviewers, because they reviewed anonymously, and therefore, I can't reply to them in the normal way. So: 'jess' – I really didn't want to write the summer either, so I skipped to the end. No need for pointless Ryan/Theresa stuff. And to 'anon'- your review cracked me up. __Seriously.__ I hope I made it better for you…_

* * *

She was surprised at how much they bonded over the summer. It seemed that mutual heartbreak really brought people together.

"You want to go shopping tomorrow?" Summer asked her. She was laying on her stomach, feet kicking in the air, head resting in her left hand, her right one flipping through the channels idly. Taylor looked up from the foot of the bed, where she was sitting on the floor.

"I guess. It's not like I really need anything else. I think I've bought more clothes this summer than I have in my entire life." She sighed, glancing at the TV. "Look, _The__ Valley'_s on." Summer stopped the channel surfing, throwing the remote next to her.

_"I just love you so much-"_

"And we're done with that," Summer picked up the remote again, flipping the channel. "Much better," she commented, and they watched a tall, skinny, dark haired boy get sawed in half by a serial killer. Taylor shook her head.

_

* * *

_

"I do love you," he whispered it, and she knew it was because Theresa must be around. She willed herself to no_t__ react._

_"So what?" she shot back, not angrily. She wasn't angry anymore, just numb. "It doesn't mean anything." He sighed._

_"I have to do this. You know I do."_

_"No," she laughed, pain stabbing through her chest, "you don't. It's not even your baby. I _don't_ understand, and don't you dare ask me to. I get that you want to help her, but she refused your help, and you followed her anyway. What I don't get is why you say you love me, but you run off with another girl. And I sure as hell don't get why you'd abandon your family."_

_"Taylor, I can't come back…"_

_"I think you should stop calling me," she cut in softly. "You're right. You've made your choice, so stick with it. Stop calling me, I'm not part of your life anymore." She hung up, not waiting for an answer._

_It had been two weeks, and her heart was already an empty black space._

* * *

"We need to get school supplies," she looked up at Summer, who crinkled her face in disgust. "School's starting up in a little, we need to. How about Wednesday?"

"Can't. I have plans with Zach."

"Zach," Taylor sighed, looking back at the TV.

"Yes. The more time I spend with Zach, the less time I have to think about… God, what's his face?" she snapped her fingers like she was trying to pull the name out of the air, "built like a beanpole, curly hair, runs away like a little bitch on a sail boat leaving nothing but a note for his girlfriend who cried and cried over him till the Fourth of July, when she decided she doesn't cry over _bitches_ on _boats_." She huffed, looking angrily at the TV.

"Seth," Taylor reminded her absently, and Summer glared.

"I was being sarcastic to hide my inner pain."

_

* * *

_

"I'm done," _Summer__ whispered, leaning her head on Taylor's shoulder. "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep crying."_

_"I know," Taylor soothed, petting the girl's hair softly. She looked around the Fourth of July party. The Nichols sure knew how to throw a __bash__… "Let's get a drink," she suggested, pulling her friend over to the bar._

_"I'm not Coop," __Summer__ protested._

_"I didn't mean alcoholic," Taylor rolled her eyes, ordering two diet Coke's from the bartender. Taking their drinks, they began walking aimlessly._

_"Ow__!" Summer cried as she bumped into someone, spilling her drink all over him._

_"Cold," the guy hissed, "so cold."__ He held his shirt away from his body, trying to remove the icy liquid from his skin. _

_"Oh, God, I'm sorry," __Summer__ frowned, looking more upset than the situation called for. __She overreacted a lot these days._

_"It's cool," he assured the girl, smiling. "I'm Zach. I think we had Algebra together last year."_

_"Yeah."__ Taylor watched Summer's face as the girl tried to think back. "I didn't really pay attention in math," she apologized. The boy laughed, and Taylor saw him look over __Summer__ appreciatively. Oh no. Luckily, __Summer__ didn't seem interested._

_"Well, maybe you know me from water polo?" he persisted, "that's the only other place I really go. That and the comic book store." Summer's head shot up._

_"You read comics?" _

_He laughed,__"yeah, I know. __Kinda__ lame."_

_"And you play water polo?" Taylor didn't like the look in her eyes. "Zach, you said?"_

_"Stevens. Zach Stevens." He smiled._

* * *

They ignored the whispers.

Summer Roberts was friends with _Taylor Townsend_? What happened to Marissa Cooper? Ryan Atwood wasn't here? He broke up with Taylor Townsend? _Seth Cohen_ had left _Summer Roberts_? He'd run away to Portland to live with _Luke Ward_? Ryan Atwood had gone back to Chino with a pregnant ex-girlfriend?

Gossip was like wildfire here, and it followed them as they walked through the halls.

* * *

"What's going on?" Summer whispered. "They seem even more… gossipy than usual." Taylor nodded, looking around the quad at the students, who were whispering furiously.

"Maybe something new happened…" Taylor started.

"Oh my God." Summer stopped short, looking in the distance. Taylor's eyes followed her line of sight. _Oh my God._

"Oh my God," she repeated breathlessly as the two boys made their way over.

"Hey." Ryan spoke first, breaking the awkward tension.

"Wish me luck," she heard Seth whisper, and they paired off.

"What are you doing here?" she pulled her school books to her chest to hide her shaking hands. This couldn't be happening.

"I'm… um, I'm back," he tried to explain lamely. "I came back."

"What about Theresa?" Of all the things she wanted to say to him, that was probably the last one. But it's what came out, because it was the easiest to say.

"It's kind of a long story…" he shoved his hands into his pockets, looking around uncomfortably and squinting in the morning sunlight. "Maybe I can tell you after school? Maybe we could get some coffee…"

"No." He recoiled, guilt flooding his features, and his shoulders hunched over even farther.

"Look, I'm…"

"If you're going to end that sentence with 'sorry', don't bother. I'm not angry. We're just not doing this." She ignored the bursts of pain shooting through her chest, the ball of lead slowly forming in the pit of her stomach.

"Well that went swimmingly," Seth rejoined them, watching Summer walk away. He looked at them, realizing he came into the middle of a conversation. But he was Seth, and couldn't help himself. "Summer has a boyfriend."

"Zach," Taylor whispered, flicking her eyes up to meet the dark-haired boy's gaze. "His name's Zach." His shoulders fell when he realized Summer hadn't been lying.

"When…?"

"The Fourth of July," she continued softly. She had no anger at Seth, either. Yes, she hated what he did to Summer and his parents, but… she knew what it felt like. Having nothing, no one, and then Ryan entering your life like a savior, only to leave again. "She spilled her diet Coke on him."

"Great," he groaned, "they've _bonded_."

"Seth, you left her a _note_ when you ran away. You left her alone; she thought you weren't coming back. She has every right, and you know it." Taylor could feel the tears welling up in her eyes, and she blinked them away rapidly. "It's your own fault."

* * *

"I don't know what I'm supposed to do," Seth ranted, and Ryan let his forehead drop onto his crossed arms. "I mean, is she using the guy to get over me, or does she actually _like_ him?"

He tuned Seth out, and, as predicted, the boy didn't notice. What was he supposed to do about Taylor? She said she wasn't angry at him, and that's what was scary. If she was angry, at least it meant she cared. Maybe she thought _he_ didn't care. Well, he'd just have to show her.

* * *

He walked into the pool house to find her sitting on his bed. His heart leapt into his throat, excitement flooding through him. The DVD he had bought her was clutched in her hands, the bow still wound around it. It was just the latest in a long line of apology gifts. Apparently, the thoughtfulness of a rare Japanese DVD had finally tipped her over. His face broke into a grin. "Taylor-"

"This needs to stop," she whispered, voice shaking. He took a few steps forward.

"I know, it's ridiculous," he breathed.

"No," she stopped him in his tracks, "I mean the buying me stuff." She stood up, walking to the other side of the pool house. "I don't _want_ you to buy me things. I don't want you to try, so stop. I've told you, over and over, we're done."

"We can't be done," he pushed his hands into his pockets, hunching his shoulders. "After everything we've been through…"

"What?" she gave a wavering laugh, staring out the glass wall, "the whole Chino thing? The part where you kicked me out of your house? The part where you accused me of cheating on you, the part where you started dating Marissa, the part where you punched my homecoming date?" She turned to face him, "how about the part where you _left me_ for _another girl_?"

"Ok, you can't just pick out the worst parts of our relationship," he argued. "What about the times we were actually happy? You know, the six months where nothing bad happened? The whole part where I fucking _love_ you? And I know you love me too."

"Of course I do. It's not even a question of that. But you left me. You didn't just leave me, you left me for an ex-girlfriend who was pregnant. Do you know how much that hurt? Knowing you were _living_ with her? Knowing she got to have you?"

"We never-" he began to protest, but she shook her head.

"That's not the 'having you' I meant," she sighed. He was silent, and she threw the DVD on the bed. "Give that to Seth, he'll like it. Don't waste your money on me anymore."

"Taylor…"

"I was nothing before you came here," she paused at the door. "My own mother didn't love me. But then you came, and suddenly I had friends, people who cared about me, people _I_ cared about. You didn't just hurt me, Ryan, you hurt them. Sandy, Kirsten, Seth, Summer. I didn't think you could ever be that heartless."

* * *

"Of course she doesn't want gifts," Kirsten whispered softly, swirling her mug of coffee. He stared gloomily down at the countertop, resting his weight on his arms. "She wants to know you won't run away again."

"I've told her that," he protested.

"You can't _tell_ someone you won't leave."

"Then what am I supposed to do?"

"You just… don't disappear," she sighed, "eventually she'll learn to trust you again." He looked up at her hopefully, but her expression wavered a bit. "Maybe."

* * *

He was leaning against her locker, and she almost turned away. Almost.

"Ryan, I told you…" she began wearily.

"You told me to stop buying you things," he held up his empty hands. "Look, no presents." He glanced around the hall, like he was making sure no one else could hear him, "but I'm not going away."

"Ryan…"

He reached out, grabbing her wrist gently and pulling her closer. "Until you tell me to go away completely, I'm going to keep talking to you. I'm going to keep seeing you, and I'm going to keep trying to convince you that I'm _not going anywhere_." He paused, hesitating at the next part. "But if you really want me gone, if you really feel like you'll never trust me again, then all you have to do is say so, and I'll leave you alone."

She gripped her books tightly to her chest, "so I just have to tell you to get lost, and you'll stop? You'll stop bothering me, stop making me feel this horrible, crushing pain every time I see you?"

The light of hope drained from his eyes, and his gaze shifted away from her, staring off to the left. His mouth went tight, and he nodded slowly. "Just say the word." He closed his eyes, waiting. They fluttered open when he was met with silence, and he found she had left without saying a word.

He smiled.

_

* * *

_

End

_Review._


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